remember when we were kids and all we could think about was how rad it would be when we were older. i remember at one time, being so anxious to learn about how things worked. and thinking it was so amazing when i learned how to spell things for the first time. instead of saying sentences i thought it was hilarious to spell conversations outloud instead. my family probably wanted to kill me at various points, but secretly thought i was awesome.

maybe there was that excitement to grow up because we were told that we would understand things more when we were older. i remember asking my older brother about things i didn't quite understand. except he didn't really have the answers either. i think he told me what he was told...i'd understand when i was older. it kind of made me want to ask questions less because i figured everything would make sense one day...why waste time wondering when you could be designing obstacle courses in your front yard and still finding the time to fall off your bike?

well i feel like i'm getting older but instead of finding answers to life's questions...i feel like i'm constantly asking more questions. when's the understanding part supposed to kick in? maybe i didn't get the memo. i do have the tendency to get distracted at times. did i miss something?

i have a sneaky suspicion i'm going to figure everything out when i turn 30. i still have a few years to figure everything out. maybe 30's a magical year when everything will fall in place and make sense for once. sometimes self-deception can be a blessing. i have this renewed confidence in life and everything's going to be ok. what a relief (sigh)