after dark









The coast was very still this morning, & the ocean looked more like glass than water. I watched the birds dive fast from the sky straight down to catch fish underwater. The risk is huge because if they get the angle wrong they can break their neck. I wondered about how bold they have to be to do that. Maybe it's because they don't consider the fact they could get it wrong. And that made me think about how many times fear can come in the way of us doing things.

My first serious bike accident happened in a race downhill when i was about 6. My bike displayed variious battle scars - including the handlebars with only parts of streamers that had worn off from taking corners fast & hitting the pavement. I was pretty much fearless, and the idea of falling was the last thing on my mind. I attempted to ride as fast as humanly possible on the road to my friend's house. As I fought the resistance of the wind, a car approached suddenly. I jumped my bike onto the sidewalk to avoid it. Unfortunately I noticed the ride would be cut short when metal trashcans blocked the path. I jumped off my bike & into the air expecting to land like a superhero on my feet. Instead fear hit me when i realized i wasn't slowing down. I hit the ground & did a superman-like slide to a stop & woke up spilled out on the sidewalk. From that point on I thought about the unexpected. I miss those times of being able to do things without the fear.

I think about how those birds risk their life to catch a fish, and it makes me want to live life with more confidence. cause yea, you could break your neck...but if you catch a fish you basically own the sea :)

sleep-walking & sleep-talking

I used to talk a lot in my sleep when I was a kid. It actually started with yelling. My parents figured it was due to a combination of my imagination & tv. At some point I did stop screaming, but i think it's just because i grew out of it.

My grandma came to visit at Christmas time when I was small. She slept in my room in between something like 500 stuffed bears. She told me once one night she woke up & noticed I was talking in my sleep about so-and-so, chillin, looking out the window like it was normal. Anyways, from that point on, i was convinced I could have legitimate conversations in my sleep. I even tried to get my friends to ask me questions about life mysteries - just in case my subconscious could answer them better. This theory was never proven.

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"I'll let you be in my dreams if I can be in yours"

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